"ED Behaviors" That Are Actually Autistic Traits (Part 1)

Eating disorder treatment often fails autistic people due to a lack of understanding how the autism contributes to the eating disorder. As a result, providers tend to label these autistic traits as "eating disorder behaviors." The problem with this approach? When inherent character traits are sought to be eliminated, autistic individuals feel unsafe and invalidated. In turn, the individual will cling more tightly to the one thing they can control: the eating disorder. In this post, you'll learn about three autistic traits that are commonly viewed as purely eating disordered, and discover how understanding these traits can help you honor your neurodivergence in eating disorder recovery.

1. Attaching Numbers to Food and Exercise

Numbers allow us to turn something abstract into something tangible. This is why autistic people are often very numbers-focused (and makes us good mathematicians and scientists!). When we can quantify something, our mind can grasp it. In a world where you feel lost and confused, this need for tangible certainty is heightened.

I have always attached numbers to different aspects of my life. At school, this manifested as a hyperfixation on grades. In sports, this manifested as tracking scores. Even now, I’m super protective of my sleep hours, I count my clothing pieces while folding laundry, and I always brush my teeth for a specific number of seconds.

If an autistic person already quantifies various aspects of their daily life, wouldn’t it be natural that they do the same with food and movement? Of course, this relationship with numbers exists on a spectrum. Just as “healthy” eating can become unhealthy when taken to extremes, as in the case of orthorexia, the autistic tendency to focus on numbers can take over your life when you have anorexia.

Common ways in which number attachment can manifest as eating disorder behaviors:

• Counting calories/macros
• Exercising for a certain amount of time
• Weighing and measuring food
• Eating only at certain times
• Needing to stay at/under a certain weight

Traditional treatment methods seek to fully eliminate these so-called “ED behaviors.” And for many neurotypical people, that might be the way to go! But for autistic people with a heightened need for tangible certainty, forcing them to “give up” their number attachment can cause them to cling even more tightly to the eating disorder. So how can this autistic trait be used to one’s advantage in ED recovery?

Using Number Attachment to Your Advantage in ED Recovery

As I wrote in my post How to Tell the Difference Between Autistic Traits and Eating Disorder Behaviors, the answer comes down to the word intention. Eating disorder behaviors are always rooted in fear, whereas autistic traits are rooted in love. It’s this distinction that allows us to channel our autistic energy into using numbers to our advantage in ED recovery.

Let’s take the example of having a strict eating schedule. From a purely eating disordered lens, this could be viewed as a fear of what will happen when the schedule is not adhered to. Will I go over my daily calories if I eat earlier in the day? Will eating something else increase my mental hunger? From an autistic lens, by contrast, a set eating schedule can actually be a supportive tool in recovery. A foundational reason for this is due to interoceptive difficulties. Autistic people tend to have a hard time sensing hunger and fullness cues, which can make “intuitive eating” and other traditional eating disorder treatment approaches inaccessible. Having predictability around when and what to eat reduces anxiety, which ultimately fosters a sense of safety and self-trust!

Let’s take another example: calorie counting. Traditional recovery advice will have you believe that counting calories is a big no-no. If you want to recover, you must stop counting calories! But what if I told you that counting calories and weighing my food actually helped me recover from my eating disorder? Instead of attaching a maximum calorie count to my daily intake, I set a minimum number that my eating disorder was not happy with. This decision helped me challenge the ED in a way that was concrete, rather than the abstract “just eat more.” This same minimum-maximum switch can be applied to exercise. If you have a minimum amount of steps or reps you have to reach each day, pick a lower number and make it the max!

2. Arranging Food in a Certain Way

Anyone else find themselves staring at a pile of spoons after a meal, wondering how you managed to use six different ones for a single bowl of food? You’re not crazy – using specific utensils and needing a “clean” one for every food item is a very common autistic trait! Ever since I was little, I was very particular about the way food was served and how I consumed it. Think: color-coordinating food items, not allowing certain foods to touch, and using multiple plates and bowls to create a visual overview for myself. Note my use of the term visual overview here: autistic people tend to think in pictures, which means we often need our food to look a certain way before we can feel comfortable eating it.

The autistic desire for visual order is likely part of why we have such a hard time eating foods mixed together. Separating food items – having different cups, plates, and bowls helps here – allows me to “get a clear picture of” what is in front of me. Similar to how numbers allow us to turn abstract concepts into tangible entities, creating a visual overview helps my brain turn the abstract concept of food into something my mind can grasp: a picture. By contrast, when food is all mixed up, my brain has a harder time processing the information. It feels as if I’m being flooded with sensory input that has no mental landing pad. Enter analysis paralysis, and suddenly it feels impossible to eat due to a dysregulated nervous system.

How Eating Disorder Treatment Invalidates Autistic Traits

In eating disorder treatment, I was forced to “become comfortable” with eating food that wasn’t presented in my preferred way because my need for perfection was “my eating disorder talking.” This phrase, along with “Is your eating disorder in the room with us?” and other variations, are dehumanizing and invalidating. They tend to be part of the reason why eating disorder treatment is so traumatizing for autistic people. Invalidating autism also underlies why traditional treatment tends to make the eating disorder worse. Why? Because invalidation leads to lack of safety, and lack of safety leads to clinging more tightly to the one mechanism we can control.

Using Autistic Food Preferences to Your Advantage in ED Recovery

How can you use the autistic trait of arranging food in a certain way to your advantage in ED recovery? Come back to your intention. Are your food rituals stemming from fear or from love? If you’ve always had certain routines around food (so before your ED started), keep on keeping on! Or perhaps, your eating disorder has added a layer of fear and complexity to preexisting routines. In that case, invite curiosity. What purpose is the routine serving? What changes can you make in the routine to maintain a sense of predictability while simultaneously challenging the eating disorder? Trying new recipes (which eventually made their way into my own cookbook!) was an important part of this process for me. I set the following guideline for myself: arranging foods in a certain way is fine, but you must be willing to add foods that are higher in fat and calories to that arrangement. Of course, this is not easy! But eating disorder recovery isn’t easy. Once you stop trying to make it easy and instead, focus on making an impact, you will be free.

3. Eating with Certain Utensils, Plates, and Bowls

This autistic trait probably isn’t news to you: being very particular about the utensils and crockery you use to eat! In traditional treatment, this preference can become very muddled with the eating disorder, as the eating disorder is obsessed with finding “hacks” to trick your brain into thinking you’re eating more food than you really are.

As I’m sure you already know, one of diet culture’s most popular hacks is using smaller bowls, plates, cups, utensils, etc. This trick “works” because smaller serving dishes provide the illusion that less food looks like more. In the short term, this trick may help you feel in control. But in the long term, that’s not quite how the cookie crumbles. Your body is incredibly wise, and it keeps the score. Extreme hunger is your body’s way of getting you out of energy debt. You can try all the latest tips and tricks, but if you’re in an energy deficit, your body will do everything it can to prompt food-seeking behavior. Enter mental hunger, an inability to focus, and basically just having your entire life revolve around food and exercise.

Learning Portion Sizes in Anorexia Recovery

People with anorexia are notorious for taking small bites. When I was in the throes of my eating disorder, it would take me forever to finish a measly plate of dinner. This behavior was rooted in the fear that eating faster would leave me too dissatisfied and thus, would make the temptation to eat more too strong. So when I committed to full recovery from my eating disorder, I had to learn what normal portions looked like. Because I developed anorexia at the age of eleven, I had no touch points as to what a “normal” amount of food was for someone who was now an adult. This gap can create an incredible sense of overwhelm for autistic people in anorexia recovery because there’s no knowledge surrounding our body’s needs. So if you’re asking yourself “How do I know how much to eat?” you’re not alone. Us autistic people want a logical, to-the-point, clear-cut answer. But the human body isn’t logical or clear-cut. It’s an incredibly complex organism that defies the limited constraints of the human mind. So then what does this mean for neurodiversity-affirming eating disorder recovery?

Intuitive Eating and Logical Eating Can Coexist

As I explain in Black and White Thinking in Autism and Anorexia, autistic people are often told to “enter the gray zone.” We are told that we must accept the fact that our body’s needs can’t be quantified, and that we should learn how to eat intuitively. But this totally misunderstands how the autistic brain works. The relationship between logic and innate wisdom is more of a dance between yin and yang. Rather than throwing logic out the window and focusing solely on our intuition, we can use both interchangeably.

For example: during high-stress periods, my hunger and fullness cues move to the back burner. It becomes a lot harder for me to “listen to my body” when all my body is trying to do is fend off the perceived danger. Instead of labeling myself as a “failure” (judgment), I invite curiosity. What about my current routine might I need to change to honor my body right now? Enter mechanical eating. This isn’t to say that adhering to a food structure is forever – it’s just what my body needs during this phase. Not only does this flexible approach help me ebb and flow with my ever-changing needs, but it gives me a sense of predictability.

The Autistic Preference for Small Spoons

Along with sensory sensitivities, the autistic need for predictability is at the heart of our preference for specific tableware. When we use the same plates, bowls, and utensils, we're creating a reliable sensory experience. One in which we will know exactly how the metal will feel against our lips and how the food will sit on the plate. There’s a meme on social media about how autistic people prefer to eat with small spoons. While it’s turned into somewhat of a joke, this preference stems from very real sensory needs. Small spoons, and being really particular about the shape and size of knives and forks, offer a more manageable sensory experience than larger, oddly-shaped utensils. While neurotypical people might barely notice these sensations and easily adapt to different tableware, for autistic individuals, an unexpected change in utensils can transform a mealtime into a challenging sensory obstacle course.

As with all autistic traits, the autistic preference for using specific silverware and crockery is rooted in safety. We need to feel safe, and we do this by honoring our sensory sensitivities and desire for predictability. Because eating disorder recovery is difficult enough as is, the last thing an autistic person needs is for their safety to be compromised. In fact, safety and trust are the foundation of my work as an eating disorder recovery coach. To force an autistic individual to eat with different cutlery than they’re used to will only precipitate the desire to find solace in the eating disorder. As with all autistic traits, we must work with them, not against.

How to Use Autistic Eating Preferences to Your Advantage in ED Recovery

Start with curiosity. What is your favorite spoon, fork, knife? What plates and bowls do you like to eat off? Do you prefer cups and mugs with thick or thin rims? In anorexia recovery, the goal is about challenging the restrictive thoughts – the thoughts that tell you to eat less and exercise more. If you’re eating with specific cutlery to take smaller bites and eat slowly due to fear of weight gain, ask yourself: might it make sense to try different cutlery that would make it easier for me to eat a bit faster? Or if you insist on taking small bites, why not eat something with higher nutritional density? If you’re eating off small plates and bowls to make your food look like more (again, rooted in fear of weight gain), you might want to challenge yourself to grabbing a larger plate or bowl. Yes, this is going to be scary. Recovery from an eating disorder is scary, whether you accommodate the autistic traits or not. So the goal isn’t about searching for an absence of fear. Rather, affirming your neurodivergence is about embracing your identity while doing something that’s inevitably terrifying.

Neurodiversity-Affirming Eating Disorder Recovery: Small Steps, Big Impact

In traditional eating disorder treatment, there's often pressure to challenge everything at once – food rules, routines, preferences, safe foods. For autistic individuals, this all-or-nothing approach can trigger overwhelming analysis paralysis, leading to complete shutdown rather than progress. This pattern is precisely why so many autistic people end up being labeled as "too complex" and are pushed out of the treatment system, just as I was.

But here's the truth: you're not "too complex.” You just need an approach that honors your neurodivergence. Recovery doesn't require dismantling every aspect of how you interact with food. Instead, it's about distinguishing between what serves your wellbeing and what holds you back. It's about working with your autistic traits, not against them.

The path to freedom from your eating disorder isn't a sprint; it's an intentional journey. Just as the eating disorder beliefs took time to establish themselves, your brain requires time to create new neural pathways that support the life you want to live. The key lies in taking small, consistent steps that align with your unique needs and preferences. Each small victory builds confidence, each adapted routine creates safety, and each honored preference strengthens your foundation for sustainable recovery. If you want to learn how I recovered from an eating disorder as an autistic person, grab your copy of my book Rainbow Girl here!

This post is Part 1 of my deep dive into autistic traits that are often labeled as eating disorder behaviors. Read Part 2 here, where we'll explore three more fascinating traits: smoothing out food, preferences around seasonings and textures, and repeatedly microwaving food.