Kafka, Autism, and Anorexia

I write this very decidedly out of despair over this body and over a future with this body.
– Franz Kafka

Where my fellow autistic existentialists at?

I have always been fascinated by Franz Kafka, but only until more recently have I developed a deep affinity for his work.

This is likely because it's only this past year that I've fully began to tap into my identity as an author, teacher, and most importantly, lifelong learner. I truly feel like a different human compared to the one that was enslaved to restriction for nearly a decade.

Yet as I discover myself more, I find myself increasingly lost. I've come to accept this as the human condition, as lost and found are part and parcel.

Perhaps the most prominent discovery of this past year has been how trapped I feel, and frankly, have always felt, in this human body. To be honest, not a day goes by during which I don't think about the freedom I would feel if I could unzip my spine and retreat into the nothingness from which I came.

Reading Kafka this past year has allowed me, for the first time ever, to describe this feeling. Not surprisingly, Kafka was likely autistic. Not only that, but he would most definitely be diagnosed with an eating disorder were he still alive today.

His writing expresses a deep sense of existential loneliness and alienation, while food, hunger, digestive issues, and sleep problems are prominent themes in his work.

Naturally, I am now inspired to write a book about this conclusion...but for now, I'll just leave you with this post. If you'd like to read more about my journey with an eating disorder while growing up undiagnosed autistic, grab a copy of my memoir Rainbow Girl!